things my mothers want to hear

On this, the day after my art-site launch, I was planning to just Listen. It already feels SO uncomfy, having suddenly shared so much of my Whole Voice— and knowing I’ve committed to more of that, every two weeks, at least until all the songs and poems and pics and vids are released.

My mothers have their own ideas. All today’s paths lead to this blog, which I didn’t intend to start for another couple of months. I wanted my music to speak for itself. Nevertheless, this buzzing in my fingers says I have some explaining— and typing— to do, about some of my mothers: Edie, Elsa, Elinora and Acela.

I have other mothers. We all do. These in particular are my open-vowel ancestors. They’re the ones who have directly prodded me to sing. And I’ve done it, each time with varying proportions of narcissism, anxiety and Real Purpose slooooshing around my upper belly.

***

Edie and Elsa, in life quite demanding, each less so as they aged BUT more so about my voice! Well, they deserved to hear what they wanted to hear, after all they went through. “Hallelujah.”

Elinora, the ghost. Wanting, needing, to vibrate through me and out into the world. I may never know who or what shut her Whole Voice up so hard while she lived.

Acela, her bestie, who encouraged me unconditionally. I don’t hear her directly anymore cuz she said and sang it all while she was alive. Haters be damned.

***

And after reading this to an empty house, suddenly it feels I’m done. I guess they just wanted to hear me Name them out loud.