YES i’m bleeding
Today I slipped into the cold and danced my topless composition of "The Last Veil" while my three adult kids of various sexes and genders gathered video footage and kept the dog calm.
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I'm scared about how this video will be received. By people I know. By strangers. By people who wanna know me, and people who are already wallowing in the act of running away from me (and their own shame).
And Oh So Pricked and Prickled am I by questions about how and where to share this video when the time comes-- which version? how many versions? will even the tamest one get taken down from YouTube or Facebook? did my 53 fans including my Dad know they signed up for this?!
Once again, it comes down to my mothers. It doesn't matter that it's cold, that I'm scared, that I have my period, that I feel so small, that I already feel a thousand tiny cuts in my skin, in the skin of my LOVEd ones, in the skin of strangers, in the skin of my frenemies, in the gaping spaces of trauma, cuts on scrapes on gashes on amputations. If I don't feel it my mothers won't heal, and they won't heal me, and I won't heal, and you won't heal, and we won't heal... not without some bleeding.